Updated: Aug 9
If you lover-partner, wife-hubby, girlfriend-special friend is not sure about and is uneasy about the lifestyle or sharing yourselves sexually then you are not ready to play…
I’ve been in the lifestyle since I was 18 years of age, but not by choice or even force, by accident. At the age of 18 I was dating a younger woman I met in High school who was both bisexual and very sexually active. Early on she came to me and told me she had a friend who needed sexual contact, and hadn’t had sex since breaking up with her boyfriend. Enter me; let’s call my girlfriend at the time ‘J’. J asked me to have sex with her friend to ease her sexual frustration, and who was I to say “No” as a young blossoming man-child. For 2 years J and I fucked friends, had sex in front of them and even made a couple sex videos for fun that we played at social movie nights. We never fought, never got jealous and never cared really as we fulfilled our adventures together. We became the crazy fun sexy friends of the group, eventually separating because of my military service and distance. So why do I tell you my beginning story into the lifestyle? It was not always this easy or smooth after this relationship ended. You smirk at me and say but Fox you and Stephanie are popular, fluid, fulfilled, and in an open consensual non-monogamous relationship. You may even refer to my time on the show 'Swing' from PlayboyTV. This is true, but again I tell you things are not always smooth and feelings get in the way. Feeling’s, that if you don’t respect or listen too, can create rough patches within your lifestyle journey. Even Stephanie cries here and there or I get jealous once in a while. If these things don't happen either you hide it, lie about it, ignore it, or don’t care about your partner. You see, my beginning journey was easy because J and I were young, selfish, naive, and really knew nothing of love. Our love and loyalty was set with in our own personal journeys in discovering our sexuality, and not with one another. The lifestyle requires a great deal of communication, openness, trust, self-love, hard conversations, directness, daring moves, selfless encounters, and selfish desires all wrapped into an unperfected rule book of no rules. This brings me to the title of this blog… If either of you or just you are having doubts about sharing yourself or your partner sexually with others and you whey on the “Nope” side more than the “Hell yeah” side then you need to pull back and evaluate what gravitated you toward the lifestyle to begin with. Meaning, if you’re not ready then that’s ok, there’s no race or time limit allowing entry into the lifestyle. Sit back, talk more, evaluate, and make sure that when you ready, you are really ready. Don’t force a situation that will only blow up in your face, or have a negatively impactful effect on your relationship. I myself have pushed at the wrong time, been selfish, and in return swayed others away from the lifestyle as well as hurt or scared the ones I care about or even myself. Give the same respect, courtesy, feelings and sympathy to your partner as you want. REMEMBER THE KEY TO THIS ALL: ‘Your relationship is the most important thing in this journey.’
- Board Certified Relationship, Intimacy & Sex Coach Craig Chacon SEC,SAVI,CIS,EMT-T
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